Spousal Permission Units (11.24.2000)

The holidays are a lot about SPUs.

I’m talking about Spousal Permission Units.  I read about SPUs in the newspaper years ago in an article written by one Becky Moser.  Becky is a wise woman.

She wrote that SPUs are the unique system for give and take, tit for tat, and equalizing the goose and gander.  In other words, it’s the unwritten law between married couples.

Let’s say the husband wants to go hunting or fishing or to play golf or just about anything without the wife.  If he’s smart, he’ll rack up some SPUs before he goes, because if not, he’ll come home with negative SPUs.  If anything goes wrong at home while he’s gone, his negative SPU count doubles. 

If he goes to see the chick flick with the wife, that gets him some decent points.  If he sends her flowers when she’s had a bad day, it’s worth a truckload of points.

If he goes out with the boys and doesn’t bother to call home, every SPU gathered to that point is wiped out in an instant.  Ditto with forgetting a birthday or anniversary.

A husband can gather loads of SPUs during the holidays.  If the husband smiles the entire day at the in-laws on Thanksgiving Day, he gets points.  If he helps wash the dishes or volunteers to keep an eye on the nieces and nephews, he gets even more.

If he agrees to stay the weekend with the wife’s relatives, he can almost guarantee himself a play-day.  If he stays the weekend with the relatives, helps with the dishes AND takes the nieces and nephews to a movie, it’s worth at least a 3-day hunt.

If he goes with the wife to shop for Christmas presents, he gets points.  If he helps wrap the gifts, he gets more points.  If he leans over while they’re walking in the mall and whispers how much he loves her, he gets mega-points.

If he asks to play golf on Christmas Eve … BAM!  Minus 50 for the insensitivity.  Then she opens her Christmas gift … the Hope diamond or something like it … and she wipes away his SPU shortage like the dust on a piano.  Diamonds are great SPU-maker-uppers.

And because he bought the gift several weeks ago (not at 11 p.m. on Christmas Eve), she rewards him with an extra 100.

A man never knows exactly how many SPUs he has.  It keeps him on his toes, life is interesting, and the wife is happy.

She gets flowers, romance, and diamonds.  He gets to go hunting without feeling guilty.

It’s a fair exchange.

About Sarah Higgins

Sarah wrote the column "Life's Funny!" for the Bay City Tribune (Bay City, Texas) from 1998 to 2003. The columns, primarily based on her hectic household full of four children, pets, and constant crises, are posted on this site. In 2014, she was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer, adenoid cystic carcinoma (ACC), in her sinus cavity. ACC is a wicked type of cancer with poor survivability rates. She underwent the resection of the tumor, part of her eye socket, her cheek bone, facial tissue, and half her nose, followed by 6 weeks of grueling radiation and 15 reconstructive surgeries. In 2021, her surgeon told her, "Well, I think you've beat this thing!" Posts about the early surgeries are also posted on this site by Sarah's son, Donnie. Today, she lives in her Montana log home just north of Yellowstone National Park with her dog, Charlie.