Happy Father’s Day!
Like all of you, I have spent some time this week shopping for that “perfect” Father’s Day card. Should I be silly or should I be sweet? Should it be from all of us, or just from me? So many questions, so many choices. It’s enough to make your head swim.
And I can’t seem to make up my mind until I have read all 2,845 choices, because if I decide on one early in the game, I might miss seeing the “perfect” one. We can’t have that.
I was at one of those drive-up-and-get-out-of-your-car carwashes. They had a rack of Father’s Day cards inside, so naturally I started reading them to compare them to the one I had already bought. I needed confirmation that I had chosen the “perfect” one.
As I stood there, the woman next to me began to laugh hysterically. She had a card in her hand, and was having trouble seeing the slot to put it back up because of the tears in her eyes.
Whenever someone laughs at a card, it’s impossible to forget about it. You can either come right out and say, “Okay, what’s so funny?” or you can wait until the laughing person has left, then attack the card they have left behind. I sort of waited until she moseyed to the next rack, and then snuck up on the card in question.
She was right. It WAS funny. So I’ve decided to share it with all you dads out there.
In honor of all the entire population of males, even those without offspring, here’s my Father’s Day card for you:
This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, hoping against hope, “Could it be a ship?!”
It gets a little closer and he realizes it’s not a ship. “But perhaps it’s a boat?!” he wishes to himself. It gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat, but maybe it’s a raft!”
It gets really close and he can tell it’s not a raft either.
Out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years!” he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”
Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?” He replies, “Ten years!” She reaches over and unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that was fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of the wet suit and says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some REAL fun?”
The man replies, “Omigosh! Don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there!!”
Here’s hoping your Father’s Day is filled with golf clubs and other happy things.
