I have never ever gone to Walmart and bought only one thing. Nor have I ever gone to Walmart and bought just the things on my list. When I walk into Walmart, it will cost me at least $50, no matter what.
The marketing geniuses in Wallyville use several very sneaky techniques to accomplish this.
First, they line up all these baskets with great deals so you can’t enter the store without going past them. Last week they had Halloween stuff piled high with some great prices. I dug a little and found a few things that I knew I could use next year. Later they announced that everything in the baskets was now 75% less than the lowest price. So, of course I raced over there again along with a bunch of other ding-a-lings and frantically grabbed anything that I could get my hands on.
Next, they keep coming out with all this stuff that I can’t live without. Like a Santa Claus in long velvet robes who holds a candle and moves his head. Or a can opener that they claim opens cans with virtually no effort. And, of course, there was the water sprinkler that would water my whole yard from one faucet.
Then, they give you too many choices, so you end up buying two flavors instead of one. Like when I needed a paintbrush. They have soft ones, hard ones, short ones, long ones, fat ones, skinny ones, white ones, black ones, and on and on. I stood there for thirty minutes trying to decide. Since I’m no painter, they all looked pretty good to me, but I was scared I would buy the wrong one, so I ended up with four different ones.
And of course, if you bring your kids, you can count on doubling your total bill. They discover the hole puncher that their teacher says they “hafta have,” or they remember the blue wind shorts they were supposed to have by last Friday. This doesn’t even count the toy section where there is this constant whine from the back of their throats that says, “PUUUULLLLEEEEEEEEZZZZZZEEEE!” If it’s the teenager you have with you, you will learn more than you’ll ever want to about the current trends in make-up, deodorant, and fashion.
Oh, and that plant sure would look pretty in the comer of the living room.
Look, they sell milk here. Better get some of that, too.
And I might as well stock up on film while I’m here.
That lady is getting some scotch tape. I think I’m out of scotch tape, too. Better get some.
Oh my gosh! I’ve been here for two hours. My how time flies. Better go check out before I buy the whole store.
“What did you say?! A hundred and ten dollars!!? But I only came in for one thing!!”
“Yeah, I hear that a lot,” the cashier said apologetically.
If I sent my husband, he’d come home with a bunch of tools and hunting stuff. My daughter would come home with cosmetics and clothes.
There’s just no way out.
