Things Your Kids Say (05.30.2003)

Parents need a dictionary to help translate what their children are trying to tell them.  And no, I’m not talking about toddlers.

It starts about junior high age and, believe it or not, stays with them well into their twenties.

Here are a few examples:

For reference:

CAB = College-Aged Boy

CAG = College-Aged Girl

HSAB = High School-Aged Boy

HSAG = High School-Aged Girl

Mom:  When do you think you’ll be here?

CAB:  I’ll be there around 6 o’clock tonight.  Translation:  If Dumbo himself were to fly me all the way to your doorstep, I couldn’t possibly be there by 6.  If I’m there by midnight, it will still be a minor miracle.

Mom:  When is that group project due?

HSAB:  Next week, I think.  We’re going to work on it all day Saturday.  Translation:  I have no idea when it’s due.  On Saturday, I’m going to sleep until noon, watch a few shows on television and dream about working on the project.

HSAB:  Mary and Bobby are supposed to come over and help later on.

Mom:  When?

HSAB:  I think around two o’clock.  Translation:  I have no idea when or even if they’re coming.

CAG:  Can I bring a friend to the lake house?  Translation:  Can I bring ten friends to the lake house?

Mom:  Do you have any laundry that needs washing?

CAB:  A little.  Translation:  I have one huge laundry bag stuffed full, one spare suitcase stuffed full, and one 30-gallon trash bag stuffed full.

HSAG:  I don’t have any clothes.  Translation:  I have a closet full of clothes, but all of them are more than two weeks old.

Mom:  Do you have enough pairs of shorts to last you for two weeks?

CAB:  Yep.  Plenty.  Translation:  I have two pairs of shorts.  The one with holes and the one without holes.

HSAG:  Mom, can I use your car?  Translation:  My car is out of gas and maybe if Mom drives it, she’ll fill it up for me.

HSAB:  I’m tired.  Translation:  The thing you’ve asked me to do is boring and I think I’m gonna die.

HSAB:  I’m not tired.  Translation:  The thing my friends asked me to do is exciting and it doesn’t matter that I’ve only had one hour of sleep.

HSAG:  How much do you love me?  Translation:  I need some money.

HSAB:  Where’s your purse?  Translation:  I need some money.

CAG:  I’m coming home this weekend.  Translation:  I need some money.

And finally,

CAB:  What day of the month is it?  Translation:  I need some money.

About Sarah Higgins

Sarah wrote the column "Life's Funny!" for the Bay City Tribune (Bay City, Texas) from 1998 to 2003. The columns, primarily based on her hectic household full of four children, pets, and constant crises, are posted on this site. In 2014, she was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer, adenoid cystic carcinoma (ACC), in her sinus cavity. ACC is a wicked type of cancer with poor survivability rates. She underwent the resection of the tumor, part of her eye socket, her cheek bone, facial tissue, and half her nose, followed by 6 weeks of grueling radiation and 15 reconstructive surgeries. In 2021, her surgeon told her, "Well, I think you've beat this thing!" Posts about the early surgeries are also posted on this site by Sarah's son, Donnie. Today, she lives in her Montana log home just north of Yellowstone National Park with her dog, Charlie.