Question: How many phones does it take to keep a teenage girl busy?
Answer: There aren’t enough phones in the world.
I am a female so I know it shouldn’t surprise me, but still, I can’t believe the amount of time my daughter can spend on the phone and still have an ear left when she is through. “Through” being a relative term, of course, because she is never “through”; just merely pausing between rings.
When my oldest daughter reached her teenage years, she begged and begged for a telephone line of her own. What teenagers don’t know is that it is the parents who finally get sick and tired of having only one line and in an effort to save our own sanity, we install a separate line for the kids.
When she was not home, the phone would ring time after time, and every time I would answer it, it would be for her. When she was home, the phone was busy. Period. We added call waiting so in case someone was trying to call US, they could get through.
Oh, silly me! … this only allowed her to have two friends on at the same time with the incredible invention of “three-way”. When it first came out, the phone company advertised it by showing executives having conference calls and stuff. Of course, grown-ups never even figured out how to work it. I am convinced it was invented by teenagers for teenagers.
Anyway, we finally added a second line.
Now my youngest daughter is a teenager, and the legacy lives on. When she isn’t home and her line rings, we don’t have to answer it, right? Wrong. It rings and rings and rings and finally whoever it is hangs up, waits approximately two seconds, then calls again. This happens several more times, then, miraculously, my line rings.
“Is Liz home?” they ask.
I want to say, “No, she isn’t, which would be why she didn’t answer her phone, you moron.” But I have learned that the network of teenagers is a lot like ants. Passing along valuable information in an effective way is crucial.
A scout ant goes out and finds food, returns to tell all his buddies about it and then millions of them descend upon the morsel of cracker the scout has found. In much the same way, a scout teenager will pass along valuable information, such as Liz not being home, and within minutes, the phone stops ringing. By the same token, when Liz walks through the door, this, too, is passed on with lightning speed, and within minutes, the phone is ringing again.
So, I have learned to answer her line on the first ring and say, “Liz isn’t home, but I expect her at 7:30. Try back then.” The phone will be ringing as she steps out of the car. Soon she is on three-way. She has rejoined the intricate network that connects every thirteen-year-old in her school. She is at peace.
The other day, I walked into our study. Liz had her phone on one ear, my phone to the other ear, and she was typing something to someone on the Internet. Simply incredible. She had managed to tie up every line in the house at once.
If we had eighteen phone lines, she would have the opportunity to be on “fifty-four-way”.
And my line would still be busy.
