Stop! In the Name of Love! (11.19.1998)

It’s an automatic reaction … even if I’m completely innocent.  If I’m driving somewhere and I see a policeman, panic grips my heart, my palms get all clammy and my eyes dart down to the speedometer to see if I’m speeding.

In that same instant, I want to slam on my brakes just in case I’m going too fast, but that would be SOOO obvious, so instead I push the “decelerate” button on my cruise control.  If the speed limit is 55, I slow down to 50.

I’m telling you this because it all came to pass earlier this week.  I was somewhere between Boling and Needville when it happened.  Along this stretch of road, the speed limit changes from 65 to 60, but if you go slower than 70, all sorts of people get irritated and pass you with a dirty look.

So, I was cruising along between 60 and 70 mph when I spotted him coming towards me. Panic hit.  “What’s the speed limit here?!” I wondered hysterically.  I looked down and was reassured that I was only going 65 but decided to hit the “decelerate” to slow it down to 60, just in case.

I hit the wrong button.  Instead of slowing down, I suddenly accelerated, lurching past the cop.  I held my breath but saw the U-turn and red flashing lights in my rear view mirror an instant later.

The officer was a strapping young man by the name of Officer Love.  I couldn’t help but smile.  I was thinking of all the jokes I could make out of this, but what I REALLY wanted to do was break into my own version of the Supremes singing, “STOP!  In the name of Love!”

He told me he clocked me at 69 in a 60.  Sounded like something I’d get warning ticket for.  But I thought I should probably get down on my knees and beg, “Oh, Love, be kind.”

He wrote me a ticket.  Can you believe that?  You’ve all been there … wondering why on earth he’s giving me a ticket for such a little thing when there’s all sorts of real criminals out there.  I mean, what about the guy who passed me going 80 about five minutes ago?

I guess he’d say that “All’s fair in Love and traffic tickets.”  I could say that “Love is trying really hard to conquer all.”

I went on my way with the cruise control set on 60, miles of cars full of irritated people stacked up behind me.

Blame it on Love.

About Sarah Higgins

Sarah wrote the column "Life's Funny!" for the Bay City Tribune (Bay City, Texas) from 1998 to 2003. The columns, primarily based on her hectic household full of four children, pets, and constant crises, are posted on this site. In 2014, she was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer, adenoid cystic carcinoma (ACC), in her sinus cavity. ACC is a wicked type of cancer with poor survivability rates. She underwent the resection of the tumor, part of her eye socket, her cheek bone, facial tissue, and half her nose, followed by 6 weeks of grueling radiation and 15 reconstructive surgeries. In 2021, her surgeon told her, "Well, I think you've beat this thing!" Posts about the early surgeries are also posted on this site by Sarah's son, Donnie. Today, she lives in her Montana log home just north of Yellowstone National Park with her dog, Charlie.