Aren’t dogs fun?

Monday, I picked up my dogs from the kennel where they had been locked up for a week while the family was having a grand old time on vacation.  Sure, they were happy to see me, but you’ve gotta wonder what was REALLY going through their scheming little heads.

Maybe they’re wondering, “Where WERE you?!”  Or maybe something a little stronger like, “Do you have any idea how bad this place is?!”  My guess is it’s something like, “Yeah, I’m happy you’re alive, but now that I know that, I’m not BELIEVING you put me in there.  I’ll punish you, you know.”

Anyone who believes that dogs don’t punish their masters when they’re upset with them doesn’t own a dog.

So anyway, along with this week in the kennel comes a complimentary bath on the day you pick up your dog.  I love that part.  You need a couple of days off to recuperate from the vacation, you have piles of laundry to do, and the homework you meant to have the kids do still needs to be done, but hey, at least the dogs look and smell good.

It was one of those rare days when none of the kids were home and my husband was at work.  I was all alone.  We say things when we’re all alone that we wouldn’t say otherwise, you know?  We talk to ourselves, too.

One of my dogs is a cute, solid white piece of fluff that sort of looks like a cotton ball.  This little angel went outside and rubbed her snout, her belly, her everything, into something so foul, I still don’t know if it was a dead animal or something worse.  Next thing I knew, she was trying to rub this stuff all over my kitchen, so I knew I had to catch her quickly.  I threw her into the tub so fast, she didn’t know what had hit her.  And I was shouting some not very pleasant things, because as I said, I was alone.

I was yelling and cursing and didn’t stop once except to gag during the entire ordeal, and I had to wash her EIGHT times.  I was still ranting and raving as I dried her and then chased her around the bathroom to squirt some perfume on her.

I opened the bathroom door and there stood my housekeeper.  She had heard the whole rant and was probably thinking I was beating one of my children!  As I walked towards her, she clutched her broom, backed into the wall to give me a wide berth, and looked at me with wide, frightened eyes.  The more I tried to explain, the more she looked like she didn’t believe me.  I hoped she wouldn’t quit.

I hope the dog is happy.  She got even.