I received an email recently comparing Martha Stewart to the “real woman”. I don’t know if I was just in a silly mood when I got it or what, but it had me laughing out loud. The kids came from all over the house to see what Mom was going on about. For some reason, they didn’t laugh like I did … I guess you have to be a mom to see the humor!
Anyway, it’s another one I wish I’d thought of but didn’t, so I’d thought I’d pass it along.
Martha’s Way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women’s Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You’re probably laying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha’s Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women’s Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha’s Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women’s Way:
Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.
Martha’s Way #4:
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix me up”.
The Real Women’s Way:
If you over-salt a dish while you’re cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me The Real Women’s motto: “I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes”.
Martha’s Way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women’s Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
Martha’s Way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women’s Way:
The Sarah Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don’t do it.
Martha’s Way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Women’s Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can’t rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn’t the headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!
Martha’s way #9:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Women’s Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
Martha’s way #10:
Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women’s Way:
Leftover wine?
