Renting a movie is supposed to be cheap entertainment.
But then you factor in the number of trips back and forth to the movie shop, and you have to deduct for gas and wear and tear on the car. And then, of course, you should automatically add in the late fees.
Our family is the world’s worst. I’ll bet there are some months that our late fees pay the rent down there. It was common for us to have late fees that were more than the charges for the rentals.
If it’s due at noon, I remember it at three; if it’s due back at 11:00 p.m., we remember it the next morning. It’s so rare for us to return one on time, we celebrate when it happens.
Then there are the times they tell you, “If you rent two, you get one free!” When they say this, I warn you, hide your wallet! If you can’t squeeze in three movies in one night, then they sit there, waiting for you to watch them later, and before you know it all three are late. Triple late fees. We could have gone to the real movies for a lot less. And had a steak dinner afterwards.
When we got a DVD player last year, we were enticed to join an online movie club. For a set price each month we could order all the movies we wanted. The only rule was that you could only have eight checked out at once. When you were finished watching one movie, you simply mailed it back in, and they would mail you the next one on your list. No late fees. We thought we couldn’t lose.
“Eight?” I thought. We’d never need more than eight movies. Of course, we didn’t factor in that once a movie was here, everybody in the family wanted to watch it. So when I’d try to send one back, one of the kids invariably begged, “Don’t send it back yet! I haven’t seen the ending!”
And we didn’t consider that the kids were usually the ones picking the movies, so the choices sometimes were rather slim for the discerning adults.
Then add the fact that some movies were “chick flicks” and my hubby’s lips would start quivering if I suggested we watch one. Other movies were guy things with gruesome stuff or war things with blood and guts, and I’d rather clean house than watch them.
Then you have to consider that there were always several movies in transit, and well, we ended up going to the movie shop anyway. I cancelled it after a few months. We were going backwards fast.
The wear and tear on the car I spoke of has to do with what my aunt affectionately calls “senior moments”.
I am embarrassed to tell you how many times we have rented a movie, just to discover thirty minutes into it that we have already seen it. So, we go BACK to the movie shop, turn it in, and rent another one. At least the first one isn’t late.
Of course, I’m getting old enough now where I can watch a movie several times with pleasure because I don’t remember the endings. Really.
We can’t always blame the car’s wear and tear on our age, though. My son rented a video game that was due back today by noon. He had left it on the kitchen table so I wouldn’t forget to take it. What a good boy.
At 11:57 I was racing across town, screeched into the parking lot, and tossed it in the return slot just before the stroke of twelve. A sense of relief swept over me.
As I walked into my house ten minutes later, there was a voice on my recorder saying that the case I had just returned was empty. My bubble burst, my shoulders slumped, and I dragged myself to the video machine where I found the missing game. What a bad, bad, bad boy.
I drove BACK to the store and handed in the game. Late again.
