If there’s one thing a teenager knows how to do, it’s how to sleep.
They can sleep thirteen hours in a stretch, or they can sleep for five hours, go to the beach for several hours, and have no trouble crashing again when they get home. They can sleep through loud music, deafening noises, and booming thunderstorms. For a teenager, it’s quantity, not quality.
A teenager, however, does not know how to wake up. When my oldest son was a teenager, there wasn’t an alarm clock on the market that could wake him up. He’d set it so loud that it would wake up the rest of the house, but it never even fazed him.
I would sit there, listening to this siren thing going off, hoping and praying that he would whack it into silence. But, no. I would eventually get up, trudge down the hall, give him a few swift kicks, until finally I heard the muffled words, “Okay, I’m awake!”
Never believe a teenager when they say they’re awake. I knew better. Ten minutes later, I’d go back into my son’s room, and he would be in La-La Land again. I’d get that tone in my voice that only mothers can get that says “someone’s getting ready to get in trouble!”
“GET UP!” I’d yell. “I’m tired of being your alarm clock!”
He’d open one eye and look bewildered. “Geez, what’d I do wrong?” Of course, he never remembered me coming in the first time.
We tried everything. It didn’t matter what time he went to bed, he couldn’t wake up. We took him to a sleep clinic and they removed his tonsils, thinking he wasn’t getting the oxygen he needed. It didn’t help, either.
We tried letting him be late for everything, hoping the embarrassment and penalties would eventually “scare” him into getting up. After being late for school at least a dozen times, we (the parents) got a nasty letter saying we would be charged for contributing to the delinquency of a minor if he was late again.
Now my two youngest children are teenagers, and we’re getting ready for round two.
I tried to bomb my son out of bed this morning at the wee hour of 11:00 a.m.
“Ten more minutes?!” was the cry from beneath the covers.
My daughter woke up by herself and ate breakfast, so I thought I was in the clear. Next thing I knew, she was back in the sack, sawing logs big time.
I walked in, ripped the covers off her, and turned on all the lights.
“Thirty more minutes!” she pleaded.
I threatened to put the dog, who needed a bath really badly, in bed with her. She screamed, jumped out of bed, pushed the dog out of her room, and locked the door. Within seconds, she was back in bed. Within minutes, she was asleep again. It was a truly amazing feat.
You can get a teenager to commit to a lot of things when he or she wants to sleep. Bribery is a wonderful tool for a parent. I eventually let her sleep for thirty more minutes in exchange for wrapping some gifts for me and doing laundry.
Hey, I’m not ashamed. We both came out ahead.
