A friend recently sent me an email titled “Some Benefits of Growing Older”. 

I get these funny emails all the time, but this one hit home.  I laughed.  And laughed some more.  I know it means I’m getting there.

Here is a condensed list.  If you laugh, too, it means you’re right there with me!

• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.  I do remember a time many moons ago when I was worried about this, but now getting kidnapped sounds sort of exciting.
• People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”  In my house, that would be my husband.  There have been nights when I couldn’t find him anywhere, and he was already in bed asleep.
• It’s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.  Heck, at my age, if someone sexually harassed me, I think I’d kiss ‘em.
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.  Instead, they are saying, “You look terrible.  Shouldn’t you go get that checked out?”
• Things you buy now won’t wear out.  Or rather, you stop caring so much about fashion and more about “how much wear this has left in it”.  You’ll see a grandpa with polyester leisure suit on because it still “has some wear left in it.”
• You can live without sex, but not without glasses.  I can’t believe I’m one of those people who has to hold something halfway across the room before I can see it.
• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.  There was a day not that long ago when I didn’t even know what a pension plan was.  Or an IRA.  Or a 401K.
• In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.  Which is unfortunate, because you are also the one who doesn’t mind kicking your terrorist in the shins.  Little old ladies could be the unraveling of terrorism worldwide.
• You can eat dinner at 5:00 p.m.  It should continue, “and your family thinks this is normal”.  My family would die if they came home and found dinner ready at 5.  Heck, I’m still doing lunch dishes at 5 o’clock. 
• You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.  It starts the minute you have a party, and one of the guests says, “Turn down the music … it’s too loud.”  There was a time when there was no such thing as having the music too loud.
• You sing along with the elevator music.  My kids can’t believe I know all the words.  It’s pretty weird, though, because they’ve made instrumental music out of such songs as “Dirty Water” and “She Love You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.”
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.  Now, if I can just keep these going, I’ll be doing good.

And my favorite:

• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.