I hear tall people complain about being tall and wide people about being wide.  Well, I’m short, and believe me, being short is certainly no picnic.  It has its perks, for sure, but let me just tell you about the downside.

Tall people say they can’t fit into an airline seat without having their knees in their faces.  Well, try this:  my feet don’t even touch the floor.  They dangle in space until finally they begin the tinglings of feet falling asleep.  Then, of course, I have to live through the facial contortions that go along with feet coming back to life.

When I fly, I have learned to always wear something that allows me pull my feet underneath me and sit Indian style. 

But when I’m all gussied up and at a nice restaurant, the same thing happens.  It seems the nicer the restaurant, the poofier the cushions, so the higher off the ground my feet.  It really wouldn’t look right to hike up my dress and sit Indian Style, now, would it?  But the older I get, the more I don’t care what people think, so if you see me at a restaurant sitting cross-legged, well, now you know why.

My feet also don’t touch the ground at the movies, church, Jones Hall, the Astrodome or in most cars.  Most shower heads squirt right over me, so I have to stand with my back to the wall to catch the stream.  We stayed in a cabin recently where the stream was so high and the shower stall so small, I had to jump up and down to rinse shampoo out of my hair.

I can’t reach the top shelf in the grocery store.  My options are scaling the shelf like Spiderman, or asking for help.  I don’t even get embarrassed anymore when I stop whoever the next tall person is who is walking by.

I have to point my toes the whole time I am driving a car because the seat is scooted all the way up and I still can’t reach the pedals.  Besides, if it scooted up anymore, the steering wheel and I would become “one”.  If I’m in a car where I can actually touch the floor, it usually means I can’t see over the dashboard.

For those of you who don’t know me, you’re probably thinking I must be only 3 feet tall.  But I’m a full 5 feet (stop laughing), and I know a lot of other women who are near my height. 

So … I’m starting a petition to pass the VIAA Act … “Vertically Impaired Americans Act” … soon all restaurants will offer footstools as we arrive.  And I will begin to have feeling in my feet again …