Our household, like thousands of others, is caught up in baseball fever. The Astros are doing great (I mean, do you even remember when they were nicknamed the “Lastros”?), and McGwire and Sosa are doing their home run thing. It’s all really exciting.

But if you ask my husband and me about a baseball game we saw last night, you won’t even know we’re talking about the same thing. I mean, he’ll reel off all sorts of statistics and stuff, but I’ll be able to tell you the really important scoop.  All you ladies out there know what I mean! Here goes my recap of this week’s baseball in a nutshell – from the female point of view:

• Craig Biggio is the cutest thing since I don’t know when.
• I love watching Derek Bell bat. He just stands there. Can’t you just picture him when he was 10 years old, with his mom yelling, “DEREK, GET READY!”
• Some baseball players looks better in baseball pants than others. For example, Craig Biggio looks GOOD in his pants. When you’re my age, well, they all look pretty good .  …  Jeff Bagwell wears his pants too baggy. I don’t care what your last name is, Jeff, us women like ’em tight.
• Mark McGwire may go down in the record books for his homeruns, but he goes down in my book for the hug he gave his son after he ran the bases.  I guarantee his son will never forget it.  Most men, on the other hand, don’t even know what I’m talking about.
• I love seeing Craig Biggio come to bat.  He’s been wearing the same good luck helmet for years and you can see his handprint from years of use. I love that kind of stuff. It just adds to his cuteness.
• All baseball players must have taken a course entitled “How to spit without moving your lips”. There they are on national TV and all of a sudden out comes a big wad.  I tried it, and all I got was wet and grossed out.
• I love watching Jeff Bagwell bat, too. He looks like he’s getting set for a sumo wrestling match.
• Moises Alou has such a big chaw of tobacco in his mouth, I swear it looks like a mouthful of marbles. A bunch of ’em do that. Then they spit without moving their lips.
• I like the Astros new uniforms.  The orange thing was so 70’s.
• Pitchers are so HYPER. There was this one the other night that kept licking his fingers, then rubbing his eyebrows with them, then adjusting his hat. Over and over, same thing, same order. Fingers, eyebrows, hat, fingers, eyebrows, hat. I was dying to dare him to throw a pitch without licking first. Bet he couldn’t do it.
• Baseball is more fun when your team is winning.  I wish I could go to the Wor1d Series.
• Craig Biggio sure is cute.  Oh, did I already mention that?