I’ve seen a T-shirt somewhere that says, “I’m allergic to mornings.” To say I’m allergic would mean that I merely react badly to mornings. Oh, it is so much worse than that.
I shudder when I hear of a time that contains a “six,” as in “I have to be up at 6:15.” Even “sevens” are pretty bad. And “fives”? … well, you might as well shoot me.
In my perfect world, I would get to sleep until at least eight-something every morning. And nines are simply divine.
When I was younger, everyone told me that once I got a job and had to go to work every day, my biological clock would change and mornings wouldn’t be so bad.
They were wrong. When the movie “9 to 5” came out, I went on a search for one of those jobs that didn’t start until 9 and ended at 5. (Just like most things in the movies, it was just a fairy tale.)
Then they said that once I had kids and I had to get up to get them ready for school and stuff, well, then I would finally get over wanting to sleep late.
They were still wrong. I’ve been getting kids up and out the door for going on twenty years now, and I still hate that initial “gettin’ up and out of bed”.
Morning people would have me believe that if I would get to bed earlier, I would jump out of bed with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.
They are so very wrong. It doesn’t matter how early I go to bed, I still hate waking up early. Maybe if all of you wouldn’t go to bed so dern early, the whole world would sleep later. Then we could all work 9 to 5. Or 10 to 5.
It also doesn’t matter how tired I am. If I try to go to bed before 10 p.m., I just lay there with my eyes open. It’s unnatural, I tell you.
Just so you early birds can get a glimpse into a night-person’s brain activity in the early morning, here’s a typical train of thought:
6:30 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “Ugh. It CAN’T be morning already. You know, my hair isn’t really all that dirty. I’ll skip washing it this morning.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
6:39 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “I can take a REALLY quick shower if I try. I’ll sleep a little while longer.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
6:48 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “Why do they make snooze buttons so they go off every nine minutes, for Pete’s sake!? Crud, it’s time for the kids to get up. I’d better go make sure they’re awake.”
6:50 a.m. “Oh, what the heck, the kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I’m going back to bed.” (Night people can wake up and go back to sleep numerous times without any trouble.)
6:57 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “I guess I won’t have time to read the newspaper this morning.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
7:06 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “I’ll guess I’ll be eating breakfast on the way to work again.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
7:15 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “And I won’t be wearing eye makeup today.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
7:24 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “Maybe it’ll snow today.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
7:33 a.m. (Alarm Rings) “Maybe today’s really Saturday.” (Hit the Snooze Button)
And finally:
7:40 a.m. (Alarm Rings) I guess I’ll be wearing my pajamas to work again.
